It is a crisp, cool Sabbath day in Idaho. The kind where Fall seems like it’s coming to an end and it wouldn’t surprise you to see snow flurries in the forecast.
Jan did beautifully through the night, remaining in a deep restful sleep until about 8:30am, at which point he mumbled something and motioned to Mommy that he wanted to sit up and be brought to the front room. His spirit is so strong. We’ve found that the walker is far more maneuverable in the house than the wheelchair, so we sit him in it and roll him to the living room. I’m so grateful that Steffan is so big and strong, because he helps so much anytime Jan has to be moved. Braydon and Steff have also been sleeping in the room with him, and are by his side constantly. What amazing love they have for their father.
Jan is more out of it today. It’s a good thing we communicate heart to heart, because the sounds he attempts to make are difficult to understand. I am so grateful that we have been able to keep his pain under control. At about 5:15am, I heard him call me, and I wasn’t sleeping in the same room as he was last night. I sat out of a deep sleep, answering him, and Danny woke up and asked if I was alright. I told him Jan needed me, and he asked me if he was okay. I told him Jan was in pain and needed my help. I came into the room with medications in hand (15 minutes before my med alarm was going to go off), and knelt by his side and took his hand and kissed it. With his other hand he slowly rubbed his head and I whispered to him, asking if he was in pain. He mumbled that he was, and I gave him his meds. I am so humbled and grateful for our connection, and I know that even after Jan is gone from us, I will continue to feel him close.
I sit with him now, holding his hand and watching him sleep.
Today is Danny’s birthday. I am grateful he came into my life when he did, so that he can be a support to me through this time. He and Jan are very much alike, and that will ease the pain even more as time moves on. I am also grateful for the wonderful father he is to our 11 children. I often have to pause and ask myself what I’ve done to be so blessed.