The next breath

Posted on October 5, 2015

For three and a half hours now, Jan has been gasping for breath. At times his breathing has been quick, short, high pitched gasps that don’t seem to allow enough air for anyone to survive even a minute on. At other times there have been no breaths at all, just a deafening long silence, then a long drawn out exhale with tiny rapid inhaling. Our poor hospice nurse has been so patient as she has answered all my questions on the phone.

There were several times I truly believed that Jan was finally taking his last breath. Everyone has said their goodbyes and wept at length. After fighting and exhausting himself for  all this time, and after a heavy dose of morphine and lorazepam, he is sound asleep and snoring. His organs are shutting down and his body wants to rest.

I have whispered in his ear all night long that everything will be fine, and it’s okay to leave, but he keeps holding on. Please say a prayer for him. I will be giving meds every three hours from here on out to our fighting Angel.