Good night my Love

Posted on October 6, 2015

The last 30 hours have drained me. Around 5:30pm yesterday it became obvious that Jan was starting his final chapter, and after a grueling 4 hours he fell into a coma. His temperature rose to 107, and that is where it remained for several hours. As each hour passed his lungs filled more with fluid, and his heart rate and respiration grew faster, and for most of the night settled in at 150 beats per minute with about 30 – 33 respirations per minute. After consulting with Trisha, our hospice Angel nurse, I gave him morphine and lorazepam every 3 hours through the night and this morning. I held his hand which was heavy and limp, and kissed his face gently, all while talking softly to him about fond childhood memories, thanking him for the amazing brother he is, and telling him how much I love him and how he needed to let go. Bernadine and Mommy took their turns too, and many times we all sat together, sometimes breaking down and crying and sometimes laughing about good times.

Finally at 10:53am, I got Jan’s meds from the fridge and sat down to give them to him once again, when his breathing changed to a restful, soft sigh. This happened 3 times, and then he was gone. I lay my head on his shoulder and wept along with the family, as we cried tears of relief that he is no longer suffering, as well as sadness because we will miss him so much.

My sweet sweet brother, is finally reunited with our Dad. Heaven will never be the same.

Trisha came over and helped us take care of what needed to be taken care of, and was as usual, so sweet and loving. Then, just like less than two months ago, our friends from Nalder funeral home in Shelley arrived to take Jan’s body.

We all kissed Jan with Trisha comforting and counseling us, and then he was gone.

I felt such a huge relief to know that I wouldn’t be seeing that look of pain on his face again, and it helped so much to know that he is with our Dad, but the emptiness I felt and still feel, is overwhelming. We were supposed to grow old together and whack each other with our canes.

Mommy wanted to walk over to the cemetery, and there we found that the monument company had come and put Daddies death date on his headstone this morning.

I am so exhausted, just like everyone else, and my Aunt Colleen will come spank me if I don’t get to sleep, so good night to all Jan’s wonderful friends, who have now become mine too. Good night to family and friends around the world, and to you Jan, Good night my Love…I’ll see you in my dreams.