Many have told me I’d feel better once I adjusted to the new normal. What does that mean? Our lives are constantly evolving and every day is a new beginning and lessons we learn right now will make us think differently a month from now. I guess the only thing normal is change. My childhood was perfect in my eyes. My brother and the journey our lives took together has been perfect too. I am so grateful for he and I have, because nothing will ever change it, and those memories are mine to keep forever.
So, in my new today, Danny and I ran a few errands side by side, held hands and talked and felt gratitude for the fact that 18 months ago today, we walked barefoot in the sand on a beach in Hawaii, and were married just before sunset.
This evening after dark, he and I walked to the cemetery together and sat by Jan and Daddy’s graves for a while. We talked of memories and laughed together. I even called Jan an insulting name, just like we always do, then after a while we told him and Daddy that we love them and walked back to the house. I ask myself if I would have lived these past 18 months differently had I known then that my father would leave me 16 months and my brother 18 months from then? The answer is no, I have no regrets, because I have loved them completely, and felt their love for me every day, and now that they’re gone from my view, nothing concerning those feelings of love is changed or new. That’s my normal.