Hospice

Posted on July 10, 2015

This morning I woke at 6:45am, hoping to see my Dad before he left for work – but I was too late. He is such a hard working individual and takes great pride in giving 200%. His employees and employers have always loved him.

I drove my Mom into town for a dental appointment and while she was there I ran over to Target for a few things we need on the boat. As I walked around looking at the overflowing shelves, I couldn’t help but notice the crazy amount of unnecessary junk that we fill our lives with. I used to walk into a place like that and fill my cart just like everyone else, and now my thoughts are only on absolute necessities.  Part of it is because living on a boat there’s less room, but part of it is realizing the we just don’t need all the things we think we do. It clutters our lives and leaves us feeling overwhelmed and frustrated…so we buy more to make us feel better, which in turn makes us feel worse.

  

  

I was looking at these photos I took from the airplane yesterday, and kept thinking of how I love the simplicity of the ocean, as well as the sky.  It’s easy to see why Danny became a pilot and I became a scuba instructor.  It’s beautiful up there (and under there.)  So, we have built our lives in the middle. On a boat where the sky meets the ocean, and our passions can merge as one.

Hospice came and met with us today.  I worked as a hospice volunteer for 5 years and have great respect and love for the program. The staff that met with us were so down to earth, personable and kind. The nurse went over my Dad’s recent lab results and doctors notes and told us that my Dad’s cancer is in his liver and lungs too now. His CA-19 tumor markers which were 46000 a week ago, are at 102000 today.  Such a rapidly growing crop of cancer is just flooding his body. His liver is so full of it that the nurse said that at this point he is more likely to pass away from liver cancer than his original pancreatic cancer. I know every cloud has a silver lining, but gosh I just want these clouds to go away.

I went for a walk out in the yard with my camera to try capture something beautiful to focus on.

       

There is always something there, ready to pull me in and comfort me.

 

   

   

I am so grateful for such an incredibly beautiful world.

The creatures in Panama are doing beautifully.  Today they built a fort in the boat.

  

And then they made a delicious dinner to share.

    

I had to call them with bad news last night. Their grandparents on my ex husbands side were killed in an automobile accident yesterday afternoon.  We have all been in shock and very sad. I felt so bad that I wasn’t there to comfort my babies, but they have comforted each other and chosen to try focus on the beautiful memories that have with their Nana and Papa.

Another day has past now and I am so very tired.  I lay with my Mom and Dad again tonight.  I love our time together as we talk and feel close. I’ve slept 3 hours in the last 48 hours, so I am going to snuggle down now and think of my sweet husband whom I miss so much. I need the rest, because tomorrow is sure to bring another beautiful day to embrace.